Years ago, when I first started investigating dating scams, I would talk to the person to find out what happened: how they came in contact with their online friend, have they met face to face? where does he or she claim to live? how much money have you lost? Basically, walk me through the whole story from the beginning.

I will admit that initially, I would sometimes wonder how someone could not have seen the signs that they were being taken advantage of. But I quickly realized that things are not so simple. Like a lot of things in life, this, too, is a murky gray area with no fine lines.

It’s easy to look at someone who has been taken advantage of in a fraud, whether financially or emotionally, and think ‘that wouldn’t happen to me’.

The Reality of it

The victim was usually at a vulnerable point in their life. Maybe the death of a spouse, or recent divorce, or perhaps just being single for too many years with simply a desire for companionship.

Then along comes a knight in shining armor, saying all the right things, with the same ideals, religious beliefs, similar family structure. And based on the pictures he or she sent; they are photogenic to boot. How could anyone resist all that?

Financial and Emotional Toll

With every person who told me the story of their online relationship, I could sense their embarrassment in admitting how everything unfolded: how it started, when they sensed something was not right, what they did or didn’t do about it, how the relationship ended, and the financial loss.

It can all be overwhelming as they try to move on with their life and begin to separate the emotional loss from the financial loss. Where does a person even begin?

Courage

No one wants to admit they were taken advantage of. There may be a concern of being judged, perhaps they feel they lack the common sense that used to be there in the past. Maybe there are thoughts of not being as responsible or rational as they were.

Self-doubt creeps in. What will my friends say? How will I trust myself to make good decisions next time? What will people think of me?

It takes courage to recognize the relationship is now over, admit it, and move on.

That’s Why

I want to share some of the insights I’ve gleaned over the years into how these scammers operate, how they think, and who they really are.

I want people to be informed and aware of how these frauds work. To learn something about themselves that they can use to get out of a situation that is not good for them, to be able to move on, and not fall into it again.

I would also like to provide information to those who may know someone who’s been taken advantage of so that they will have a better understanding of what their friend or family member may be going through.

That’s why I’m writing about romance fraud.