I was talking to a woman who was only several years away from retiring, had worked at her current job for over 20 years, been divorced for a number of years, and was looking for companionship, a romantic relationship. She had been alone long enough and longed for someone to share her life with.
Like so many people do, she started searching online and registered on a dating app. It didn’t take too long before she was contacted by several suitors who claimed they were interested in her, and she took a particular interest in one of them. They started texting and talking on a regular basis, and exchanged pictures. Things that are typical in a new relationship.
The pictures he sent of himself showed that he was well-traveled, dressed nice, and was adventurous. He had a successful business and was getting ready to retire soon himself.
Everything was working out better than she imagined. She was smitten, to say the least, and they started making plans for him to visit and plans to spend the rest of their lives together.
It didn’t take long before he asked her to loan him a little bit of money, just a couple thousand dollars. He couldn’t get to the bank and he needed the money right away for his business because he was out of the country.
By this time, she was hooked, believed they were meant to be together, couldn’t wait for them to start their new life. She sent him the money. They were, after all, in love and were going to spend the rest of their lives together.
In a few days he needed a little more. But that didn’t matter to her, he was going to visit and she was very excited, this was finally going to happen. He sent copies of his airline reservations, so she knew he was coming.
That trip didn’t work out, but they kept talking, texting, emailing every day. They continued to plan for the time he would visit.
More money was sent. Always a loan that would be repaid, he kept telling her. Can you do this for me? You’re really helping me out of a bind. I can’t believe I’m so lucky I found you. Words he kept telling her. Words she wanted to here. Words she wanted to believe.
More trips were planned and then canceled at the last minute. More problems arose. But such is life with all its ups and downs.
All the while they kept in constant contact, with promises of great things to come. If only these unforeseen issues would stop getting in the way. The broken equipment to be repaired, money to be given to an employee’s family, bills that have to be paid right away. The troubles of working out of the country.
Eventually she depleted her savings account, withdrew money from her retirement account, and gave him the proceeds of a loan. Her money was being whittled away a little at a time, and over the course of a few months it was gone.
Everything she worked for seem to vanish. She was devastated. But what was worse, her lost money or her lost love? They both presented unique difficulties to overcome.
When she came to the realization that her life savings was gone, he was gone, and her hopes and dreams were gone, her world was shattered. So, what went wrong?
This realization didn’t hit her all at one time, but showed itself in subtle ways over the course of their relationship. There were things that were ignored, behaviors explained away, actions justified as necessary. All due to circumstances that appeared to be outside their control at time and just had to be dealt with.
Everything he told her about himself, his job, his travels, his professed love, sounded plausible to her at the time. She was always completely honest with him, so why wouldn’t he be honest with her? That’s what is expected in a relationship. That’s what we all expect in a relationship.
We dismiss those things that don’t seem right. We justify the other person’s actions. We make excuses for their behaviors. We believe everything told to us.
However, it’s important to find that line between blindly taking everything told to us at face value and being so critical we’re afraid to move forward in a relationship.
I want to become withdrawn from my friends and family
Substitute any number of feelings and events that happen to a person when they are taken advantage of, whether it be in a dating scam, an investment scam, a fake friend/imposter scam, a lottery scam, or a Nigerian prince scam. The type of fraud doesn’t matter; the results are always the same.
However, this is what happens to thousands of people every day. There are many things we do throughout the day that we don’t really focus on while we’re doing them, we are on autopilot and don’t even realize it. In some respects, this makes us efficient and able to get things done more quickly, but this behavior can also cause us problems.
When presented with information that may seem plausible on the surface, if we don’t take the time to determine if what we are presented with is actually true and we just react to it, we may be placing our personal information, relationships, and finances at risk.
By following a few simple guidelines, you can greatly reduce the likelihood of falling victim to a scam.
Do not take everything at face value
Be aware of random emails, text messages, or phone calls
Do not react quickly – take time to think about the events that are unfolding
Call someone and verify if the information you are being told is true
Ask yourself what you would tell a friend in the same situation
Ask a friend what they think
Do your own research before investing money
Trust your instincts
Don’t Take Everything at Face Value
As a rule of thumb, be suspicious of any type of message you receive and who you receive it from, whether it is an email, a text, or a phone call. Take a few minutes to double check the validity of the message instead of immediately reacting to it. That may entail calling the business the message appears to be from, calling a friend or family member and asking their opinion, or doing a quick Internet search.
The only thing you have to lose is a few minutes of your time and it may save you a lot of grief down the road.
Random Emails and Phishing
Any random email you receive that is asking you for information, providing a link to change a password or something similar, or asking you to call the telephone number provided is more than likely a phishing email. Even if appears to be from a company or organization you are familiar with.
If you receive an email from your bank telling you to change your password because of a suspicious login attempt, or that your account is being used for illegal activity, stop for a moment before reacting. The sender of the email is attempting to create a sense of urgency so you will react right away and not take time to actually consider whether or not it is plausible.
The scammer wants you to click on the link provided in the email, which takes you to a fake login page where you enter your credentials and the scammer steals them. Or you will be asked to call the phone number provided to talk to a representative to clear up whatever problem they are claiming you have. This is a tactic to get you to inadvertently divulge personal and financial information.
Make sure the email really did come from your bank, or from the company you dealt with in the past, or your real estate agent, etc. Make a phone call to verify the legitimacy of the email, and do not use the phone number provided in the email, look it up yourself.
If you are offered a great investment opportunity, consider why you would randomly receive such a great offer in an email, and why it comes from someone you don’t know. These emails should be deleted immediately. Legitimate opportunities don’t come from random strangers.
Did You Receive a Text Message Mistaking You for Someone Else?
This is called ‘smishing’ and is similar to email phishing but over text message. This is a scam tactic used to start building a rapport with someone in order to gain their trust. The person on the other end of the text may claim to be a long-lost friend from your past, or is just looking for someone to talk to, or tell you that you won something. It sounds innocuous enough on the surface, but it is usually a ruse to eventually obtain something from the recipient.
If it’s a friend you knew a long time ago, don’t make the assumption that this person is who they claim to be, even if they provide you with some information from your past that you are familiar with. It’s easy to accept this person at face value, but perhaps that information was on a social media site and is being used to entice you to connect to them.
Do your own research to verify if that person is who they claim to be. If the person who sent the text really is a long-long friend, then what does it hurt to wait a few more days while you’re looking into it before responding. If it’s someone claiming they contacted the wrong person, not responding is the best course of action. Any text claiming you won something is the start of a scam.
Do Not React
Scam emails and text messages are designed to create a false sense of urgency, the sender wants you to react quickly to stop whatever activity is happening. This is the opposite approach to take when you receive one of these. Take a deep breath, think about the plausibility of the message, and take some time to look into it.
Take Your Own Advice
We are usually good at giving advice to other people, but when it comes to taking our own advice, well, that’s a different story. Could the event described in the email really happen?
If a friend came to you and explained that the email you just received is telling you the money in your bank account is at risk and needs to be withdrawn and placed in safer account, how would you answer? Did you receive a text message telling you you’ve won a prize? What would you tell your friend who asked your opinion of the likelihood of randomly winning a prize?
Ask yourself a simple question, what advice would I give a friend in a similar situation? Then consider taking that advice yourself.
Ask a Friend
If you’re not sure about taking your own advice, then call someone you trust and run it by them. Having someone with a different perspective may point out a few red-flags you are not considering.
Research
We’re all aware of the saying “if the offer appears too good to be true, it probably is”. Do your own research before sending money for any type of investment. Check out the website the sender is using: how long has it been in existence? A recently purchased domain (website name) is always suspicious, especially if it touts an extensive investment track record. What information can be verified? Does an Internet search come up with any complaints about the person, company, or website in question?
Especially be weary if you found out about it through an email or text message.
Trust Your Instincts
A good rule of thumb to follow is that if something doesn’t feel right, then don’t do it. If you have a gut feeling that something is not right, it probably isn’t. Don’t try to convince yourself that everything will work out, don’t talk yourself into doing it, and don’t try to justify your actions. If you’re not sure about it, simply don’t do it.
In Conclusion
If you have responded to a text message, a phishing email, or answered a phone call from someone you don’t know, and you provided personal or financial information and now you’re concerned about it, report it. Contact your bank if you’ve given any information about bank accounts, login information, or credit card numbers. Also contact the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3.gov) and file a complaint. It is better to err on the side of caution if you have any concerns and report them right away. Don’t play the waiting game to see what happens.
The following incident recently happened to some elderly acquaintances of mine and, with their permission, I am providing the details of what happened and how easy it is to get caught up in these online scams. Even for someone who is typically cautious of unsolicited emails and phone calls, sometimes one will come along that is presented in such a way that it seems real.
Follow along as I go through how this happened and what can be done to prevent it.
The Start
I have changed the names of the people involved for privacy reasons.
The other day I received a frantic call from Bob and as soon as I picked up the phone he said “I think we have a problem!”.
“Why, what’s going on?” I replied.
“We got an email about some money that was taken out of our bank account, and Sue called the number and she was told that our information was hacked, and we needed to go to the bank right away and withdraw the rest of the money” Bob replied excitedly.
“How much money was supposedly taken?”
“$249. The hackers are involved in child pornography and if we don’t withdraw the rest of the money, the hackers will get that also and then we will be arrested for child pornography because it was our money. They want us to deposit it into a Bitcoin ATM”.
I could hear Sue in the background talking on the phone with someone, saying that she doesn’t feel comfortable withdrawing any money and depositing it into a Bitcoin ATM. She repeated that several times, and it was obvious the scammer was trying hard to convince her to withdraw the money and send it to him.
By this point they had been on the phone with the scammer and his associate for over an hour.
I didn’t need to hear any more than that, what was going on was obvious to me. “You’re being scammed, tell her to just hang up on them”, I told Bob. “You don’t need to explain why, it’s a scam and they don’t need an explanation, just hang up. And if they call back, don’t answer”. Sue immediately hung up.
When their phone call with the scammer ended, and I found out that no money was actually lost, we could all relax a little. I was anxious to get the details of how this episode escalated to almost losing $20,000.
How it Happened
Over the years I have preached to anyone who would listen about being vigilant against various scams, explaining how they work, who they target, and what to watch out for. This includes how to determine who an email is really coming from, being suspicious of the content, and the dangers of clicking on a link or calling the phone number provided in the email.
After Sue took a breather from being on the phone with the scammer for over an hour, she explained to me how the whole thing happened. The first thing she said was “I can’t believe I fell for that, there were so many red flags that I ignored while it was happening”.
Everything is crystal clear – in hindsight.
It all started with a spam email which stated that $249 was taken from their Wells Fargo account, and if this was done in error, then call the number provided to dispute it. Through the ensuing hour the scammer, Harry Smith, who claimed he was with the fraud department at Wells Fargo, convinced Bob and Sue that this money was stolen from their account by a hacker, and the hacker also stole their personal information.
He went on to say that if the rest of the money wasn’t withdrawn from that account, and other accounts they have, the hacker was going to steal the rest of it. Because the hacker was associated with child pornography, then they would be arrested because it would appear they were helping him.
A second scammer came on the line and claimed he was with their other bank, and through a series of questions (social engineering), that scammer was able to find out how much money they had in that account.
Harry Smith stayed on the phone with Bob and Sue while they drove to their bank to withdraw the money. When they got to the bank, Harry Smith told them to leave the phone in the car, but don’t hang up, and don’t tell the bank teller what is going on because he thinks this is an inside job and doesn’t want them alerted.
Sue went into the bank and, through a misunderstanding with scammer Harry Smith, she transferred money from one account to another instead of withdrawing it. When she told Harry Smith this, he wanted her to go back into the bank and withdraw the money and then go to a nearby Bitcoin ATM and deposit it.
It was at this point I received the phone call from Bob stating he thinks they are in trouble.
Hindsight
It’s easy for someone to look at the whole scenario after it’s over and pick out any number of red flags that are easily seen, and think to themselves ‘How could that happen, I wouldn’t fall for that’.
However, for the person going through the scam, it is actually a very fluid situation that starts with one tidbit of information that seems believable and progresses into a story that, when told after the fact, does not appear believable at all.
But the casual listener wasn’t going through it from the beginning. He or she wasn’t told something that caused a reaction of fear that something terrible was going to happen if they don’t act quickly. It all seemed plausible in the moment. In their mind, Bob and Sue had to stop this quick, with no time think about it. It was real to them at that time.
Nobody knows how many people received this same spam email, but I would venture to guess tens-of-thousands. And with each person who called the number to get their money back, that phone call may have started the ball rolling on their own personal nightmare, although their story would have unfolded differently. We are all unique, and we all have different items that trigger us and cause us to react, and the scammer can figure out what those triggers are very quickly
Before you react, there are some things you can do if you find yourself in a situation like this:
Take a few deep breaths
Call someone you trust and talk it over with them
Ask yourself what you would tell someone who came to you for advice
Consider the plausibility of this really happening
This is a false sense of urgency they are creating so you will react quickly. Take your time and slow down
Phishing Emails and Spam
Let’s break down the actual email that was received and go over a few simple steps that can be taken to greatly reduce or eliminate your chances of getting duped by a spam or phishing email.
Rule #1: Never trust the From: line in an email.
These are easily spoofed and can be made to appear like the email is coming from anyone the sender wants it to be from. In this case the sender is ‘vannoy doug’, which is the display name the sender sets up. Most of us use our real name as the display name, but it can be set to whatever we like. The email program I am using, Thunderbird, automatically displays the actual email address of the sender, but most email programs only show the display name. As you can see this email came from roederzjer9i@gmail.com, not from the Wells Fargo Customer Support Team, as the body of the email actually suggests.
Safeguard: Hovering over the display name with your mouse will usually show the actual address the email came from. While viewing the email on a cell phone you may have to expand the From: line to show this information.
Rule #2:Does the Subject line make sense?
The subject line is ‘CAR LOAN STATEMENT REQUEST =4#’. The subject line is there simply to inform the user what the content of the email is about in the hopes the recipient will open it, and it may have nothing to do with the message of the email. This particular one could get someone’s attention if they have a car loan, so then the email will be opened by the recipient.
Safeguard: If the Subject line is confusing, or doesn’t pertain to you, be suspicious. Also look at the grammar and formatting of it. If the font looks completely different than most emails in your In Box, or if the subject line has some peculiarities, it is more than likely spam. This one was written in all capital letters, not the typical format most people use when sending emails, and the grammar appears suspicious.
Rule #3: Does the body of the email make sense?
Is the email addressed to someone specific or could it apply to almost anyone? Are there grammar/formatting errors in the email? Are there links to click on or a phone number to call? The line ‘A $249.00 charge has been made on your Wells Fargo account’ may get your attention if you have a Wells Fargo account, but there are no other specifics.
Safeguard: If the body of the email looks generic, is not addressed to a specific person, or has spelling/formatting errors, it is more than likely spam. In this case the scammer is creating urgency by stating that money was taken out of the user’s account, and provides a solution to remedy the issue. Never click on a link provided in an email and never call the number provided in the email. If you do you will be directed to a website operated by the scammer or you will be calling the scammer directly.
To reiterate, never click on a link in an email. If it is a phishing email that states you need to change your password and you click the link provided, you just gave the scammer your password.
Rule #4: Be weary of attachments.
This email contained an attachment titled ‘xxxxxx=[0000].pdf’. It certainly looks suspicious just based on the filename.
Safeguard: Never open an attachment to an email unless you were expecting it and you have verified the legitimacy of the email. If you do you open yourself up to having malware such as spyware, keyloggers, or ransomware installed on your computer, to name a few.
In Closing
Spam and phishing emails continue to be a threat, and we need to be vigilant at all times. Taking an email at face value could place us in crisis mode because of some type of perceived threat that the scammer has caused us to believe is happening, or will happen, if we don’t act quickly to take care of the issue.
Don’t take the email at face-value and click on a link or download an attachment without taking the time to determine the validity of it. All it takes is a little awareness and a few extra steps to avoid being placed in a situation where you put your personal information or finances at risk.
Online fraud has long since been a global problem, with the Internet allowing people to be located anywhere in the world and pretend to be someone they’re not. It’s a billion-dollar industry, and organized crime groups are cashing in as they operate massive scam centers in areas where they already have a foothold into other illegal activity.
Scam Centers
A scam center is an operation run by a criminal organization for the purpose of committing Internet fraud on a large scale through various online scams. Scam compound, scam park, fraud factory, or fraud center are other names for these scam centers. These compounds, many of which are being operated in Myanmar, Loas, and Cambodia, are controlled by Chinese organized crime gangs, and are responsible for stealing tens of billions of dollars per year from people around the world.
The scam center focuses on certain types of scams such as romance fraud and investment scams, also known as “pig butchering”, where a scammer will lure someone into a fake romantic relationship and entice them to place their money in cryptocurrency platforms being operated by the scammers. Scammers also run sextortion and fake-friend scams, and workers spend their days sending text messages to potential victims with the hopes that someone will respond and a conversation can be started.
In the last several years these compounds have risen out of casinos and illegal gambling that had been in operation until Covid-19 curtailed much of the travel in these countries. Losing a source of income, the crime groups transitioned into running Internet scam centers.
Victims
There are two types of victims associated with these scam centers. The first type is the person looking for an opportunity for a better life. When opportunity beckons and the promise of a lucrative job offer overseas is presented to them, it appears too good to pass up. This is especially true for someone who lives in an economically impoverished country with minimal job prospects. However, realty sets in upon arrival in their new country, and they quickly find themselves forced to work in scam centers and take part in fraudulent activity.
The second type of victim is the person who was lured into a romance fraud by someone they thought was real. That victim has all of the feelings and emotions for their partner just like there would be in any relationship, except that it’s not a real relationship, it’s all part of the scam.
After the relationship reaches a level where the victim trusts the other person, there is a request for money, either to help the other person directly as in the form of a loan, or they are enticed to make a cryptocurrency investment that turns out be a fraud. Others may become the victim of sextortion after sharing intimate photos which are then used as blackmail when the scammer threatens to publish them if money is not paid.
Human Trafficking
Human trafficking is rampant in these countries, and many of the workers in the scam centers are being held against their will, having been lured there with the promise of a lucrative job opportunity in another country such as Thailand. When the prospective employee arrives in Thailand, his passport is taken and he is smuggled over the border into a neighboring country, such as Myanmar, and forced to work in one of the numerous scam compounds.
The conditions in these scam centers are horrendous, with limited bathroom facilities, cramped sleeping quarters, and barely enough food to keep the workers going. Workers are forced to work long hours, 14 – 16 hours a day or more, for six days a week, where they are given a phone or a computer and told to contact as many people as possible. All day they are forced to take part in these scams. Fear and coercion are used to keep workers on line. Quotas must be met, and those who fail to steal enough money to meet their quota will have to deal with the consequences such as such as being locked in a cell and physically abused.
Things to Consider
The next time you receive a random text with a simple message asking how you are doing, or one that informs you your package can’t be delivered, or you’ve won a prize, consider where it may be coming from. If you receive a friend request on Facebook from someone you don’t know, be skeptical. If you are using a dating app and the people who reach out to you appear too good to be true, claim to have a job that requires them to be out of the country, asks you to send money or gift cards, or invest in a ‘sure thing’, realize that more than likely you’re being groomed for a scam.
Unsuspecting people are being scammed now more than ever, and the person on the other side of the scam could very well be doing so against their will.
You’ve just met someone online, and things are going well. It’s only been a couple of weeks but you’re chatting every day, texting, emails, phone calls. You seem to hit it off, and you’re very excited to actually meet your new online love-interest. It’s Monday and you make plans to meet.
“I’ll be flying in on Friday and we’ll have the whole weekend together”, he tells you with an excitement in his voice that matches your enthusiasm.
You clear your weekend and make plans to spend it with him. A couple of days later, after numerous chats about your new life together, a problem arises.
“I can’t wait to see you” he exclaims on the phone, but a small problem came up at work. Because I’m out of the country my bank inadvertently placed my account on hold and I can’t access any money until next week. The guy I hired to do the repairs I need to have done wants the money up front, and I can’t leave until I pay him. If I can’t pay him, I have to stay and do the work myself. I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it this weekend”.
You’re quiet for a few moments, the disappointment building as you think about what he’s telling you. Your mind is swirling: no weekend visit, no time together, I can’t introduce you to my friends, I’ll have to cancel the dinner I’ve arranged.
“There is one way we can still make this happen” he says, breaking the silence. “You know I love you so much and want to be together with you forever. If you could somehow scrape together $5,000, I could pay for the repairs and still make the trip. It’s just a loan and I’ll pay you back next week when I get the problem with the bank straightened out”.
This Is All Too Common
Can you see any part of yourself in this scenario? Unfortunately, scenes like this play out every day in the online dating world. If the relationship is not genuine, the person on the other end will always ask for money to cover some sudden expense that comes up.
And it’s not a random amount of money either, but carefully calculated based on the financial situation of the victim. For the scammer skilled in the art of social engineering and manipulation, it doesn’t take long to determine how much money the other person would be willing to send, or could afford to send.
The first request is always a small amount, just enough not to raise any suspicion in the person sending the money. But the requests will get larger, and more frequent, as time goes on. Since the scammer has his target hooked emotionally and excited about their future together, he or she is less likely to think rationally about whether or not this is a good idea. She has already decided this person is her soul mate. And besides, he’ll repay the money next week, she will rationalize.
When it comes to online dating there are a number of red flags to watch for, but some are bigger than others. If someone you’ve never met in person, and don’t really know except through text messages and phone calls, asks you for money, something is not right. This is the point where you should slow down and consider if this relationship is genuine.
Self-Reflection
Do some self-reflection, maybe talk to a trusted friend before moving forward. Ask yourself the question ‘if a friend came to me for advice about this, what would I tell them?’.
If you refuse to send the money, he will probably get upset with you, try to make you feel guilty, and question your love for him. If you mention that you talked to your friends about it, he will more than likely want you to stop telling your friends any details about your relationship.
This is one of his tactics, part of the emotional manipulation he is attempting. In a genuine relationship, would a person get upset because their partner refused to give them money, even if they claimed it was just a loan?
No matter how you feel about this person, this is one sign that should not be ignored. Never send money to someone you have not met in person, even if you feel you have a connection with that person. Trust building is part of the grooming process, and once the scammer feels the trust is there, a request for money will certainly be made.
If you have had a similar experience, know you are not alone. If you feel you have been defrauded, don’t hesitate to report it to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at IC3.gov, and the Federal Trade Commission at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
You’re sitting down to a second cup of coffee in the morning, scrolling through social media, getting caught up on the latest going’s on about your friends and acquaintances. You actually post a little bit about yourself, which you haven’t done in a long time.
You feel good. It’s been a while since you’ve felt this good about yourself, about your life, about where you’re headed. The optimism is refreshing. You have a reason to get up in the morning.
There’s a quiet knock on the door. You think to yourself “who would be visiting me at this time of the morning, it’s only 9:00”.
You hurry to the door and take a peak out the side window to get a glimpse outside before you unlock it. The two agents standing on your porch notice the curtains move, they know someone’s home.
As you open the door, they identify themselves and ask for the person they are looking for. Which is you. But they already know who you are, you’ve been on their radar for a little while.
You stand there with a perplexed look on your face, your mind racing as to why they are looking for you and what they want. You’ve never been in trouble before and can think of no plausible reason why they would be interested in you.
You let them in and close the door, and, while standing in the foyer, they quickly explain the reason for their visit and start asking questions about your new online-friend. How long have you known this person? Where does he live? Have you ever met him in person? You may even be shown a picture of the real person behind the persona you have come to love. It looks nothing like the person you’ve been communicating with. You think they must be mistaken.
The agents start asking about finances, bank accounts, mailing of packages. You’re even more perplexed now, as your mind races to make sense of it all. They have a lot of details about you, and you wonder how they know so much. And why.
Then one of them hands you a Money Mule Warning Letter, an official notification that there is criminal activity going on and your name is associated with it. The letter goes on to state that if you don’t stop your involvement in this activity, you could be prosecuted.
To someone who has never been in any kind of trouble before, this can be very unnerving.
What is a Money Mule Warning Letter?
A Money Mule Warning Letter serves several purposes. It’s an official notification that there is fraud going on, typically money laundering, and it lays out the repercussions that could occur if the activity doesn’t stop.
The recipient of such a letter typically does not know they have been involved in money laundering, hence the delivery of a warning letter. But it lets you know, in no uncertain terms, there is criminal activity going on, and you’re given a chance to stop your involvement.
Online dating is one way people are inadvertently lured into becoming a money mule. And many times, they don’t even realize it’s happening until their bank account is closed or they get a visit from the FBI or some other Federal agency.
It’s easy to get into a situation like this when a person’s new online-friend, someone whom they feel is the love of their life with only good intentions, asks them to allow a small amount of money be sent to their bank account. A small amount becomes a larger amount, or it may start to happen more often. Possibly they are asked to open a new account, maybe allow him or her access to it.
They may be asked to re-wire the funds on to someone else, or perhaps withdraw cash and mail it to another person. Maybe purchase gift cards, take a picture of them, and send the pictures in an email.
What To Do Next
A money mule warning letter from law-enforcement will usually come with a request of additional information to further their investigation. Information about your online friend, how you were contacted, how long ago, are there pictures of him or her, what email accounts were used, phone numbers, or names, addresses, and banks where money was sent.
Keep a copy of everything pertaining to the relationship, in case it is needed in the future.
You may also need to contact your bank to have accounts closed, especially if this person has access to them. Change passwords to email accounts, block phone numbers and emails, and don’t take calls from unknown numbers.
Your online friend will try to reach you and ask what is going on, why the sudden disappearance, and will be persistent in trying to get in touch with you. It is best to cut off all communications. No explanation needs to be given, no discussion of your conversation with law-enforcement, no mention of the warning letter, no asking them to explain their behavior.
You don’t have to wait to be provided with an official warning letter to realize something is amiss. If you notice some of these red flags, don’t wait until you do get a visit from law enforcement, or your bank notifies you of fraudulent activity in your account, take steps now to protect yourself. And know that it’s not the end of the world, learn from it, and move on.
You’ve met the love of your life online, and things seem to be going very well. Better than anticipated. How could you be so lucky? You have the same interests, the same background, similar family structure, and comparable views on relationships. You couldn’t ask for more.
He showers you with compliments all the time, and calls or texts continuously throughout the day. And has a very good job.
The trouble is, the job is one of the causes of him never being able to visit you. Or so he says. He travels a lot and works out of the country, always a business deal to follow up on or an emergency to deal with. As soon as he gets this one issue taken care of, then you’ll get together.
But another one pops up.
This type of behavior is a red flag in online dating. The two of you can never quite get together. I’m not saying that all online relationships are suspect, but online dating is rampant with scammers looking to find someone to enter into a relationship with for the sole purpose of furthering their scam.
Certain types of jobs seem to be favored among scammers such as working on an oil rig, being in the military, or employed as a contractor. Anything that gives him or her a plausible reason for being out the country so much they can’t quite find the time to meet with their new love.
In these types of relationships there is always one more excuse, one more cause for delay. If you’ve seen this type of behavior in your online love-interest, and especially if you’ve seen dates planned and then broken on more than one occasion, pause for a second.
If you see this red-flag there are probably others that are visible, and possibly being ignored. Do some self-reflection before committing any more time and energy to something that may not be there.
Years ago, when I first started investigating dating scams, I would talk to the person to find out what happened: how they came in contact with their online friend, have they met face to face? where does he or she claim to live? how much money have you lost? Basically, walk me through the whole story from the beginning.
I will admit that initially, I would sometimes wonder how someone could not have seen the signs that they were being taken advantage of. But I quickly realized that things are not so simple. Like a lot of things in life, this, too, is a murky gray area with no fine lines.
It’s easy to look at someone who has been taken advantage of in a fraud, whether financially or emotionally, and think ‘that wouldn’t happen to me’.
The Reality of it
The victim was usually at a vulnerable point in their life. Maybe the death of a spouse, or recent divorce, or perhaps just being single for too many years with simply a desire for companionship.
Then along comes a knight in shining armor, saying all the right things, with the same ideals, religious beliefs, similar family structure. And based on the pictures he or she sent; they are photogenic to boot. How could anyone resist all that?
Financial and Emotional Toll
With every person who told me the story of their online relationship, I could sense their embarrassment in admitting how everything unfolded: how it started, when they sensed something was not right, what they did or didn’t do about it, how the relationship ended, and the financial loss.
It can all be overwhelming as they try to move on with their life and begin to separate the emotional loss from the financial loss. Where does a person even begin?
Courage
No one wants to admit they were taken advantage of. There may be a concern of being judged, perhaps they feel they lack the common sense that used to be there in the past. Maybe there are thoughts of not being as responsible or rational as they were.
Self-doubt creeps in. What will my friends say? How will I trust myself to make good decisions next time? What will people think of me?
It takes courage to recognize the relationship is now over, admit it, and move on.
That’s Why
I want to share some of the insights I’ve gleaned over the years into how these scammers operate, how they think, and who they really are.
I want people to be informed and aware of how these frauds work. To learn something about themselves that they can use to get out of a situation that is not good for them, to be able to move on, and not fall into it again.
I would also like to provide information to those who may know someone who’s been taken advantage of so that they will have a better understanding of what their friend or family member may be going through.
