I was talking to a woman who was only several years away from retiring, had worked at her current job for over 20 years, been divorced for a number of years, and was looking for companionship, a romantic relationship. She had been alone long enough and longed for someone to share her life with.

Like so many people do, she started searching online and registered on a dating app. It didn’t take too long before she was contacted by several suitors who claimed they were interested in her, and she took a particular interest in one of them. They started texting and talking on a regular basis, and exchanged pictures. Things that are typical in a new relationship. 

The pictures he sent of himself showed that he was well-traveled, dressed nice, and was adventurous. He had a successful business and was getting ready to retire soon himself.  

Everything was working out better than she imagined. She was smitten, to say the least, and they started making plans for him to visit and plans to spend the rest of their lives together.

It didn’t take long before he asked her to loan him a little bit of money, just a couple thousand dollars. He couldn’t get to the bank and he needed the money right away for his business because he was out of the country.

By this time, she was hooked, believed they were meant to be together, couldn’t wait for them to start their new life. She sent him the money. They were, after all, in love and were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

In a few days he needed a little more. But that didn’t matter to her, he was going to visit and she was very excited, this was finally going to happen. He sent copies of his airline reservations, so she knew he was coming.

That trip didn’t work out, but they kept talking, texting, emailing every day. They continued to plan for the time he would visit.

More money was sent. Always a loan that would be repaid, he kept telling her. Can you do this for me? You’re really helping me out of a bind. I can’t believe I’m so lucky I found you. Words he kept telling her. Words she wanted to here. Words she wanted to believe.

More trips were planned and then canceled at the last minute. More problems arose. But such is life with all its ups and downs.

All the while they kept in constant contact, with promises of great things to come. If only these unforeseen issues would stop getting in the way. The broken equipment to be repaired, money to be given to an employee’s family, bills that have to be paid right away. The troubles of working out of the country.

Eventually she depleted her savings account, withdrew money from her retirement account, and gave him the proceeds of a loan. Her money was being whittled away a little at a time, and over the course of a few months it was gone.

Everything she worked for seem to vanish. She was devastated. But what was worse, her lost money or her lost love? They both presented unique difficulties to overcome.

When she came to the realization that her life savings was gone, he was gone, and her hopes and dreams were gone, her world was shattered. So, what went wrong?  

This realization didn’t hit her all at one time, but showed itself in subtle ways over the course of their relationship. There were things that were ignored, behaviors explained away, actions justified as necessary. All due to circumstances that appeared to be outside their control at time and just had to be dealt with.

Everything he told her about himself, his job, his travels, his professed love, sounded plausible to her at the time. She was always completely honest with him, so why wouldn’t he be honest with her? That’s what is expected in a relationship. That’s what we all expect in a relationship.

We dismiss those things that don’t seem right. We justify the other person’s actions. We make excuses for their behaviors. We believe everything told to us.

However, it’s important to find that line between blindly taking everything told to us at face value and being so critical we’re afraid to move forward in a relationship.